10 shot of jameson

I pushed though the gaggle of limp-dicked fucks to get to the bar, wiping my fingers on one girls expensive ensemble to get the gutter slime off. I stood there waiting for at least 5 minutes for a bartender to open up. We were like salmon in spring, fighting the rapids and bears to get to our spawning grounds. No one fuck’s for free. A big moose of a frat boy shoved his way to the front next to me, bellowing nonsense out of jaundiced jowls.

“Shots Babe!” He wailed.

“What?” a doll of a bartender asked.

“SHOTS. 10 for me and my bros baby.” He laughed at his clever amalgam of a sentence.

“What kind?”

“What are you, retarded? 10 SHOTS OF JAMESON Baby.” A lone slither of spittle was working its way though the processed cheddar crumbs on this fat fuck’s chin, threatening to break away and join the collage of filth already on the bar. He caught me staring.

“What you looking at?” he asked.

“A grizzly midstream with its jaws wide.” I said.

“What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” His shots arrived. I could see the bartender’s spit floating at the top of all ten. Seemed like a lot of work when a bottle smashed across his face would have done the trick just as well. The whale in a baby blue polo unbeached himself from the bar and I caught the bartender.

“What’s the cheapest girly drink you’ve got?” I said.

“What?” She said.

“What’s the cheapest girly drink you’ve got?” She looked like I had just cum on her grandmother’s wrinkled tits.

“That’s a terrible question to ask a bartender.” She replied, and went to go help another massive shit in a Lacoste polo, canary yellow this time. I flagged down another bartender, brunette, 5 inches taller than the last one.

“What’ll it be?” She asked, barely audible over the rapids.

“Shot of vodka.”

“3 dollars.” I fished the bills out of my pocket and gave them to her. She smiled at me. The shot came and I pushed out of the way, back to Megan.

“Thanks!”

“Sure.” She sniffed the shot.

“What is this?”

“Drink it.” She did.

“Was that just vodka?”

“Maybe it was.” I said.

“Ew, Ew,EW. I don’t like vodka.” She was a short Vietnamese girl in a black dress. Nice enough but I wasn’t interested. Too much work if I wound up fucking her. I was looking around the bar, taking it in and wishing I wasn’t. Huge stacks were blaring the latest shit pile everyone was told was great music. Throbbing bass to make you puke. Lyrical cat piss washed over mashed in ballsack, that’s how it sounded. Apparently Megan had asked me a question.

“Excuse me?”

“I said do you wanna go to the next bar?” She replied.

“Sure.”

Outside I heard the same song that had just finished in the last bar coming out of 4 other bars on the street. I followed the 5 other people I was with into Fúego, a latin themed bar which was on fire, apparently. Less people in here, but same song piping in. I stood near the bathrooms, watching my friends get more drinks. Was this it? Was this adulthood? Throwing back liquids in shitty bars on the weekends, wearing polo shirts to get pussy.

A bachelorette party staggered in. 8 decent looking girls with pink feather boas and penis paraphernalia out for one “last” hurrah with their “lucky” friend. I watched them like a tiger, ready to attack from behind. The fattest member of the pussy posse noticed me and walked over.

“Hi I’m Rita.”

“Hi Rita. How’s it going?”

“What’s your name?”

“Bono.” I lied.

“Like the ROCKSTAR?” She giggled, her pupils growing wider.

“Exactly.”

“Wow, you must get compliments all the time with a name like that.”

“You could say that.”

“I’m Rita!”

“You don’t say?”

“I do though, my name’s Rita.” This was going nowhere fast. I grabbed Rita by the small of the back and pulled her to me. She giggled. “You’re strong.”

“You should see my cock.”

“What?”

“I said, ‘do you wanna dance?’”

“Sure.” It became obvious that Rita didn’t get asked to dance much. She sort of wiggled around a bit. Whether the wiggle was entirely intentional or not was anyone’s guess. She moved confidently though, and that made her sexier than any girl there. She pressed her breasts against my chest, her penis-nose novelty glasses pushing dangerously close to my face. I was sporting a solid boner at this point. I turned her around and put it between her ass cheeks, searching for labia. She giggled.

“What’s that?”

“Guess.” I flexed my PCL’s and got my dick right up her skirt. She worked her ass around some more. This was turning into a decent night. Her party noticed us and screamed approval.

“Get it Rita”

“Yeah girl.”

“He’s gross,” said the bride to be, ”look at his hair.” I imagined what it’d be like to fuck that bride on the altar of her church as her family screamed and her dad had a heart attack. It seemed like a pretty cool idea. I put my hand under Rita’s chin and spun her mouth onto mine, forcing my tongue onto hers. She bit my lip, trying to amp up the sexy. It worked. Just then one of her friends came over.

“Who’s this Rita?”

“His name is Bono.”

“Like the Rockstar?”

“Exactly.” I said.

“He’s hot.” Her friend said.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Jessica, Jessica Whethersfield.” Jessica was about 5’2”, 115 lbs, blonde hair, “A” cups, but a tremendous ass. One to write home about. I pulled her in by the small of the back. She giggled.

“Got a boyfriend Jessica?”

“Yeah, but he’s in Houston.”

“Poor guy.” I pulled Jessica in closer and planted one, sticking my tongue deep in her mouth. Rita got jealous and pulled my mouth towards hers. I figured it was time to get out of there. I waved to my friends and walked out with a girl on each arm. The girls tried acting coy, but I knew the score.

“What do you do Bono?”

“I track down bounty hunters.”

“No you don’t”

“It’s dangerous work.” The cab pulled up to my place. We got inside and I got to work. I started with Jessica, told Rita to get naked. I slid Jessica’s skirt up over her belly button and started working around inside her panties. She had a small amount of pubic hair, a crotch mustache really. She started moaning. Rita was getting hot, legs spread and flicking her bean. I bent Jessica forward into Rita’s groin and let her do what came naturally. I slid my cock into Jessica, slowly, an inch at a time. I worked it back and forth deliberately, the slower the better. Jessica reached under and started to play with herself as I pumped. Rita was moaning loudly, working her tits in circles as I watched. I pulled out and told Jessica to sit on my face. Rita climbed on board and slid me in. I was pumping away and licking. This was more work that I had had in mind, but I’d be damned if I was going to stop. I could feel the rocks starting to tumble and pulled out. I got on top of Jessica and pounded away. Our mutual roars of approval reached a crescendic wail and I came long and full in Jessica, pumping away as I did. I rolled off her and went to the can to wash my balls. Jessica and Rita were both breathing hard and giggling in my bed. I came back into the room, opened a drawer in my desk and got out my nug and papers. I finished rolling up a cone and sparked it up and passed it to my new loves. Life in the spawning grounds wasn’t so bad.