Saturday, July 3, 2010
10 shot of jameson
I pushed though the gaggle of limp-dicked fucks to get to the bar, wiping my fingers on one girls expensive ensemble to get the gutter slime off. I stood there waiting for at least 5 minutes for a bartender to open up. We were like salmon in spring, fighting the rapids and bears to get to our spawning grounds. No one fuck’s for free. A big moose of a frat boy shoved his way to the front next to me, bellowing nonsense out of jaundiced jowls.
“Shots Babe!” He wailed.
“What?” a doll of a bartender asked.
“SHOTS. 10 for me and my bros baby.” He laughed at his clever amalgam of a sentence.
“What kind?”
“What are you, retarded? 10 SHOTS OF JAMESON Baby.” A lone slither of spittle was working its way though the processed cheddar crumbs on this fat fuck’s chin, threatening to break away and join the collage of filth already on the bar. He caught me staring.
“What you looking at?” he asked.
“A grizzly midstream with its jaws wide.” I said.
“What?”
“Don’t worry about it.” His shots arrived. I could see the bartender’s spit floating at the top of all ten. Seemed like a lot of work when a bottle smashed across his face would have done the trick just as well. The whale in a baby blue polo unbeached himself from the bar and I caught the bartender.
“What’s the cheapest girly drink you’ve got?” I said.
“What?” She said.
“What’s the cheapest girly drink you’ve got?” She looked like I had just cum on her grandmother’s wrinkled tits.
“That’s a terrible question to ask a bartender.” She replied, and went to go help another massive shit in a Lacoste polo, canary yellow this time. I flagged down another bartender, brunette, 5 inches taller than the last one.
“What’ll it be?” She asked, barely audible over the rapids.
“Shot of vodka.”
“3 dollars.” I fished the bills out of my pocket and gave them to her. She smiled at me. The shot came and I pushed out of the way, back to Megan.
“Thanks!”
“Sure.” She sniffed the shot.
“What is this?”
“Drink it.” She did.
“Was that just vodka?”
“Maybe it was.” I said.
“Ew, Ew,EW. I don’t like vodka.” She was a short Vietnamese girl in a black dress. Nice enough but I wasn’t interested. Too much work if I wound up fucking her. I was looking around the bar, taking it in and wishing I wasn’t. Huge stacks were blaring the latest shit pile everyone was told was great music. Throbbing bass to make you puke. Lyrical cat piss washed over mashed in ballsack, that’s how it sounded. Apparently Megan had asked me a question.
“Excuse me?”
“I said do you wanna go to the next bar?” She replied.
“Sure.”
Outside I heard the same song that had just finished in the last bar coming out of 4 other bars on the street. I followed the 5 other people I was with into Fúego, a latin themed bar which was on fire, apparently. Less people in here, but same song piping in. I stood near the bathrooms, watching my friends get more drinks. Was this it? Was this adulthood? Throwing back liquids in shitty bars on the weekends, wearing polo shirts to get pussy.
A bachelorette party staggered in. 8 decent looking girls with pink feather boas and penis paraphernalia out for one “last” hurrah with their “lucky” friend. I watched them like a tiger, ready to attack from behind. The fattest member of the pussy posse noticed me and walked over.
“Hi I’m Rita.”
“Hi Rita. How’s it going?”
“What’s your name?”
“Bono.” I lied.
“Like the ROCKSTAR?” She giggled, her pupils growing wider.
“Exactly.”
“Wow, you must get compliments all the time with a name like that.”
“You could say that.”
“I’m Rita!”
“You don’t say?”
“I do though, my name’s Rita.” This was going nowhere fast. I grabbed Rita by the small of the back and pulled her to me. She giggled. “You’re strong.”
“You should see my cock.”
“What?”
“I said, ‘do you wanna dance?’”
“Sure.” It became obvious that Rita didn’t get asked to dance much. She sort of wiggled around a bit. Whether the wiggle was entirely intentional or not was anyone’s guess. She moved confidently though, and that made her sexier than any girl there. She pressed her breasts against my chest, her penis-nose novelty glasses pushing dangerously close to my face. I was sporting a solid boner at this point. I turned her around and put it between her ass cheeks, searching for labia. She giggled.
“What’s that?”
“Guess.” I flexed my PCL’s and got my dick right up her skirt. She worked her ass around some more. This was turning into a decent night. Her party noticed us and screamed approval.
“Get it Rita”
“Yeah girl.”
“He’s gross,” said the bride to be, ”look at his hair.” I imagined what it’d be like to fuck that bride on the altar of her church as her family screamed and her dad had a heart attack. It seemed like a pretty cool idea. I put my hand under Rita’s chin and spun her mouth onto mine, forcing my tongue onto hers. She bit my lip, trying to amp up the sexy. It worked. Just then one of her friends came over.
“Who’s this Rita?”
“His name is Bono.”
“Like the Rockstar?”
“Exactly.” I said.
“He’s hot.” Her friend said.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Jessica, Jessica Whethersfield.” Jessica was about 5’2”, 115 lbs, blonde hair, “A” cups, but a tremendous ass. One to write home about. I pulled her in by the small of the back. She giggled.
“Got a boyfriend Jessica?”
“Yeah, but he’s in Houston.”
“Poor guy.” I pulled Jessica in closer and planted one, sticking my tongue deep in her mouth. Rita got jealous and pulled my mouth towards hers. I figured it was time to get out of there. I waved to my friends and walked out with a girl on each arm. The girls tried acting coy, but I knew the score.
“What do you do Bono?”
“I track down bounty hunters.”
“No you don’t”
“It’s dangerous work.” The cab pulled up to my place. We got inside and I got to work. I started with Jessica, told Rita to get naked. I slid Jessica’s skirt up over her belly button and started working around inside her panties. She had a small amount of pubic hair, a crotch mustache really. She started moaning. Rita was getting hot, legs spread and flicking her bean. I bent Jessica forward into Rita’s groin and let her do what came naturally. I slid my cock into Jessica, slowly, an inch at a time. I worked it back and forth deliberately, the slower the better. Jessica reached under and started to play with herself as I pumped. Rita was moaning loudly, working her tits in circles as I watched. I pulled out and told Jessica to sit on my face. Rita climbed on board and slid me in. I was pumping away and licking. This was more work that I had had in mind, but I’d be damned if I was going to stop. I could feel the rocks starting to tumble and pulled out. I got on top of Jessica and pounded away. Our mutual roars of approval reached a crescendic wail and I came long and full in Jessica, pumping away as I did. I rolled off her and went to the can to wash my balls. Jessica and Rita were both breathing hard and giggling in my bed. I came back into the room, opened a drawer in my desk and got out my nug and papers. I finished rolling up a cone and sparked it up and passed it to my new loves. Life in the spawning grounds wasn’t so bad.
In The Act
She was standing there, mouth agape, like she was waiting for a fresh 7 inches of loving mercy to stuff it with. Her eyes looked like whore pussy, battered and dry. I got out from under her sister, who was too shocked to complain.
“What the FUCK!”
“Easy Marie,” I said, “just relax.”
She didn’t listen. She grabbed for her purse. Time to move. I grabbed my pants and heard a click. Kelly gasped.
“You fucking fucker. You piece of mashed shit.”
“Now, that’s not very nice.” I said. She leveled the gun with my brow. Miraculously, moisture came to her eyes. This seemed like some real emotion, finally.
“You’re fucking dead you cocksucker.” Ironic thing for her to say really.
“Listen, let’s not get ahead of ourselves here,” I said, “I’m not worth going to jail for baby.”
“Don’t call me baby, you fuck.” Kelly moved on the bed, Marie glanced at her. Taking this chance I Jackie Chan-ed my pants leg around her wrist and jerked her towards me. The gun went off, missing my balls by a pube’s width. I tore the gun out of her hand and threw her on the bed with her sister.
“Jesus!” Kelly said, more like a scream though.
“No, just reflexes,” I said. With both of them on the bed like that, I got the image of a sororal salute to my flagpole in my head. But time is money.
“You fucking whore!” Marie started slapping at her sisters face. Kelly kicked her square in the twat, which burped a little. Marie started biting Kelly on the left breast. I started to get hard again. I picked up the gun.
“Cut that shit.” I said, in a real John Wayne kind of way. Pointing the gun at Marie I told Kelly to get her shit together.
“Oh that’s right, that’s right. Get your SHIT together you fucking WHORE!” Marie spat at Kelly. I stood there, naked, taking in the scene for a bit. Then I jerked the rubber off my jimmy and threw it in Marie’s face. With her sister’s and my ejaculates dripping off her chin, I had to laugh. So did Kelly. Those whore’s pussies of Marie’s burned through the tangled, matted bangs of her over processed rat’s nest. “I’ll get you for this Boris.” She spat. “I’ll see you both die burning if it kills me.”
“Let’s hope so.” Kelly replied. I nearly came again. Marie lunged at Kelly, but Kelly caught her on the chin with a quick right. Knocked the bitch out cold. I couldn’t take it. I grabbed Kelly and nailed her, right next to that wreck. Family ties.
“Let’s get out of here.” I said, sliding my pants back up.
“Let’s go to the beach.”
“God, you’re awesome.” I grabbed a substantial piece of her right ass cheek and drew her in closer, planted one right on her. We told reception that a thief had tried to kill us in our room on our way out of the hotel. They didn’t look surprised.
Sally roared into life between my legs, and with Kelly’s pressed tight around my hips, we hit the highway and headed for the beach.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)